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Co-Creating Our Lives

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Co-Creating Our Lives

Vocabulary, what is said to us, positive and negative, forms us; the negative that we repeat to ourselves deforms us. Thus, we co-create our life:

            Drop good and bad – they judge and deform.

Use:

                        appropriate and inappropriate

                        healthy and unhealthy

                        helpful and not helpful

                        useful and not useful

            They evaluate, inform, and transform.

Be conscious of self-talk vocabulary. Use words that name who you are and how you want to be!

 

Reality

Reality is what it is. Our belief about reality does not change or direct reality. There are natural laws of physical evolution, for instance, gravity. There are spiritual laws of an unfolding Universe, for instance, humility – a sense of true perspective: we are finite, not infinite.

To act contrary to these laws is to act contrary to Nature and the natural flow of Energy. This creates chaos. To choose actions that are in alignment with the Energy flow creates harmony. Our work is to become conscious of these spiritual principles and to conform – become one in the flow of Energy.


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

I am Shadow and Light

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

I am Shadow and Light

By running from our shadows, we feed our inner darkness.
We reduce and eliminate our shadows by moving into and becoming light.
I am a product of Love and therefore in my very nature I am love.
When I am true to my very nature, I am love loving.

I sit in the Light becoming light.
My shadows begin to wane and then disappear.
As I become Light I am a channel of Light.
Giving light to those around me helps the shadows to wane and disappear. Being a conduit of Light allows them to become light – to become truly who they are: Love loving.

                        Reflections while reading Tara Brach “Radical Acceptance”


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Becoming My True Self

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Becoming My True Self

Self. This is usually a process that doesn’t evolve gracefully. This very awkwardness gives and reinforces the basic humility that continually invites the Grace to continue.The “separate” self is the false self. Separation is the delusion. In that delusion, the self, as separate, constructs a definition, an image, a reality. The components of that definition are both acquired from our nature, our genetics, as well as absorbed from our nurture, our specific culture.

Through either the experience of suffering or the invitation of love a hint of the True Self is glimpsed and then eagerly yearned for and sought. This is the spark that begins the journey of the dissolution of the false self through identification that it is and what it is: a frantic do-ing that prevents our conscious be-ing.

This spark fanned, creates a fire that burns away the mask, the persona, that hides us from our True Self.


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Power of Belief

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Power of Belief

My false self is an unconscious social construct. I define myself through an amalgam of survival reactions to parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, neighbors, teachers, ministers, employers, etc. From these reactions I create a story about who I am, who they are, and how the world works. This is my “belief” system – the lenses through which I look and interpret all reality. I don’t see reality as it is, I see reality as I am. I can only see my projection on reality. My beliefs color how and what I see. This determines all my reactions: how I think, feel and behave.

My story becomes my life style and my prison.

I am asleep, dreaming that I’m awake.
I am truly in bondage – fettered to my beliefs. But I don’t know that I don’t know; I can’t see that I can’t see.

For each of us there are many moments of Grace that stimulate and support our willingness to respond to the invitation of Grace. This mysterious meeting of Grace and willingness is the alchemy that begins to transform our bondage into freedom.


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Our Thermostat, False vs. True Self

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Our Thermostat

Our internal thermostat is a constellation of beliefs:

1. our beliefs define our “normal”
2. our beliefs defend our “reality”
3. our beliefs determine our “destiny”

We don’t see reality as it is; we see reality as we are!

At all times we function to create and maintain our comfort.

We are a constellation of habits: what we practice, we become.

False vs True Self

False self is a projection of our created self image and our attachment to it.

ASK:     Who do I pretend to be?

            … an idealized self?

            … an eternal self?

            … a superior self?

            … an autonomous self?

 

True self is an acceptance of the reality of our creation and the humility that acceptance generates.

ASK:     Who am I really?

            … my daily self?

            … my mortal self?     

            … my vulnerable self?

            … my interdependent self?

 

The power is in asking the correct questions!


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Inventory of Your Spiritual Condition

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Ask yourself these vital questions:

Relationship with Mystery
  • What is your current brokenness? In what ways do you experience the bedevilments of doing what you don’t what to do and not doing what you want to do?
  • What do you actually believe about God? How do you behave in light of what you believe – or what you believe you believe? Are you really a practical agnostic?
  • What relationship do you yearn to have (need to have) with the Mystery?

 

Relationship with self
  • What are the obstacles to your relationship to Mystery?
  • Are you willing to reveal them all – every secret?
  • Are you willing to be changed?

 

Relationship with others
  • How have you damaged the people in your history?
  • Are you willing to change your behavior and repair all the damage?
  • Are there people in your life who remain unforgiven? Have you forgiven yourself?

 

Way of life
  • Are you awake to being disturbed?
  • Are you consistent in your efforts to have your consciousness improved?
  • Do you have an attitude of love and tolerance; are you involved in compassionate service? Are you committed to a life of harmony with spiritual principles?

Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Life’s Lessons

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Life's Lessons

1. Principle: Life is hard – nobody’s coming!

2. Promise: I am going to die – I need to show up for my life!

3. Powerless: I am not in control – I have choice and responsibility to influence!

4. Presence: I need to be present to win.

5. Perspective: I am not that important – we are important!

6. People: My life is not about me – we are part of a bigger story.

(Core Lessons from Father Richard Rohr – modified)


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Principles for Walking This Path

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

Our Way of Life

1. I am not the center of life.

2. I am the center of my life.

3. Don’t take life personally.

4. Do take reality as it is.

5. I am responsible for my:
Perceptions,
Emotions,
Behaviors.

6. I am not responsible for your:
Perceptions,
Emotions,
Behaviors.

7. When I don’t change my actions, my life stays the same, no matter what I think or feel.

8. When I do change my actions, my thinking and feeling change – then my entire life changes.

9. This present moment will pass.

10. This present moment is the only time I can actually live.

11. I am really going to die!

12. I need to ask: Am I really going to live?

13. There is no one coming to save me.

14. I am the one I am waiting for!


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Forgiveness is a Process Not an Event

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

A forgiving person has no past. An unforgiving person has no future.

 What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is Not to…

  • Condone
  • Forget
  • Tolerate
  • Ignore
  • Approve
  • Excuse
  • Minimize
  • Pardon
  • Deny
  • Absolve
  • Reconcile
  • Invite to hurt again
  • Surrender justice

 

Forgiveness Is a Decision to not

  • Retaliate
  • Exact revenge
  • Seek compensation
  • Judge

 

Forgiveness Is a Decision to

  • Release them
  • Release ourselves
  • Be released

 

What is the process?

 

Accept the facts: Betrayal = it did happen; I was hurt.

 

Open your mind, memories and heart to remember the hurts, the wounds, where and when you have been let down, dishonored, abused, lied to, cheated on; diminished in spirit and emotion; diminished physically and financially.

 

Bring to your mind, to your memory and to your heart a picture of the betrayer; your father, mother, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister, relative, friend; have you been betrayed by your school, church, the judicial system, healthcare system, legal system, the government?

 

This is the reality—it did happen—we have been betrayed, hurt and deeply wounded. Name it and accept it. It’s tragic and it’s true.

 

Accept the facts of the process of forgiveness: I can be healed from these soul wounds. The process begins when I decide to release them and myself; to release my current feelings about the events of my past.

 

To forgive is not to condone or excuse the behavior. What was done was wrong.

 

To forgive is not to pardon—that’s not mine to give—I don’t have the power to absolve.

 

To forgive is not to forget. I am saddened by the memory, must grieve the event, and resolve to never let it happen again.

 

To forgive is to release from debt; to release from the demand for retribution or retaliation.

 

To forgive is to surrender the right to get even; to release my current feelings about my past “rights”.

 

The reality is that as long as I hold onto these hurts, they possess me; actually, they poison me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

To forgive them is to take responsibility for my part, which may only be that I have been holding onto these memories, these feelings, and have allowed them to continue to devastate my physical, emotional and spiritual life. Am I willing to release my feelings about the event?

 

To forgive myself is to experience my regret, remorse, sorrow for who I’ve been, how I’ve acted, and how I hurt others – and to commit to change my behavior. Am I willing to release my feelings and assume a new attitude?

 

How long am I going to carry these wounds? How long am I going to be shackled to this garbage barge of memories of hurt, anger and shame?

 

All spiritual traditions believe that I am forgiven just to the extent that I forgive; all spiritual traditions believe that I am released just to the extent I release others.

 

Look at my own brokenness—the many betrayals for which I have been responsible. Look at my motives, my role, in the events in which I find myself betrayed. Where was I selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, angry or afraid?

 

In light of my own brokenness, look at their brokenness—see them like me—those that hurt me are themselves hurt, fearful, wounded, sick people—human beings twisted by their own personal histories.

 

Embrace compassion both for them and for my self: they have suffered; they act out of their suffering. I have suffered; I act out of my suffering.

 

I am a weak, wounded human being, full of defects—attempting to survive the difficulties of life and find a little security, peace and happiness.

 

Forgiveness is the release of others and my feelings about the harm they have caused me. The truth is forgiveness often follows deep acceptance of and repentance for my own harmful actions to others.

 

I am powerless to name and accept the truth of the harm I have done; I am likewise powerless to release the memories of the hurt others have done to me.

 

Despite this powerlessness, I have a responsibility to decide not to live in the past. I have a responsibility to decide to live in the present, to accept reality as it is – not as it “should be” or as I want it.

 

Am I willing to embrace the process and release them?

 

Am I willing to pray for the power:

  • To ask for knowledge of the truth?
  • To ask for freedom from the bondage of my own history?
  • To wish for the spiritual healing of those persons, institutions, or events that have harmed me?
  • To forgive myself—to let go of self condemnation, morbid reflection, remorse, my temper, my addictions, my vanities, my arrogance, my smugness, my victim stance; to let go of my failures, to do what I must and become who I really am?
  • To change my attitude and my actions?

 

Am I willing to pray for the power:

  • To love them as I want to be loved?
  • To see the world and the people in it from God’s point of view? To see and accept reality? To identify and release my “unenforceable rules”?
  • To act better than I feel?

 

Invite the healing Spirit of the Universe:

  • Into my mind—that my memories may be healed
  • Into my heart—that my feelings may be healed
  • Into my soul—that my human spirit may be healed and flourish

 

Healing Spirit of the Universe:

  • Enable me to be willing to let go and to forgive: to release and to be released
  • Enable me to be willing to be restored to sanity – to healthy thinking
  • Enable me to be willing to be taken to a place of serenity – to accept reality as it is
  • Enable me to be willing to find freedom – to act with the intention of compassion and loving kindness

 

Holy Spirit, breathe Your Spirit into me.

  • Enable me to live from a vision of being tender love and a witness to the benefits of hope.

 


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.

Alcoholics Anonymous is NOT about not drinking!

Author: Herb K.

Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
herbk12@hotmail.com
www.herbk.com

AA is the Fellowship that developed around a community concerned with problems of uncontrollable and excessive drinking. Yes: that is the initiating problem.

However, this community discovered that the solution was not to “stop drinking.” The solution was for the individual to seek and find a power/Power other than one’s self that would provide the effective intervention resulting in abstinence from alcohol. The AA Fellowship calls this a Spiritual Awakening/Experience which results from the rigorous personal application of a precise behavioral methodology – a Twelve Step course of action. This process precipitates a radical transformation of each person’s thinking patterns, feeling reactions, and especially manifests in a change in their actual behaviors.

The goal of AA is not sobriety – that is a by-product. The actual product/goal of AA is for each person to live a fully integrated empowered human life by:

1. Improving their personal consciousness through a consistent daily practice of inventory and meditation;
2. Enlarging their personal compassion through living their lives based on universal principles resulting in a deep commitment to helping others.

Each of the various Twelve Step cultures are NOT about their specific addiction. They are about introducing and fostering a “way of life” for each individual so they can be the best person they can be. Thus, they are positively connected to each other and the entire human community. The world is a better place for them having been a citizen of it. They leave a legacy of awakened people to enthusiastically do likewise.


Herb K. was given the gift of freedom from alcohol February 21, 1984. As a result of the application of the Twelve Steps as contained precisely in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening in 1988. Since then he has been very involved in carrying the message of recovery through presentations, facilitating workshops, and leading retreats.

He has authored three books to help people access the instructions and confirm the actual process contained in the Big Book for experiencing a spiritual awakening: Practicing the Here and Now: Being Intentional with Step 11 (2017), Twelve-Step Guide to Using the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (2004) and Twelve Steps to Spiritual Awakening: Enlightenment for Everyone (2010). His books are available on Amazon and other locations.